Welcome to my procrastination blog. I'm currently lagging from finishing my chrestomathy for English, but before I continue to blog, I will finish my When and Where. See? I just finished it. Thank goodness this is actually working for me. Let's talk about my day today: I cleaned the house almost all day. Lazy during the first half, but productive during the second half. Dominic's house with the cousin to work on chrestomathy, which I didn't do. Kevin came over and I stroked/petted/patted his hair. I love guys' hair. I had to leave to pick up mother. Back home. "Left my binder at Dominic's house." So I had to "pick it up." Went to see drummer boy for a good hour. He's sucha cutie. :] I got home and started working on my chrestomathy. I only have my paper to write, so hopefully, I'll be done before one.

"I'm so happy, that was fun (:"
He makes my day.

Random Mia fact: I procrastinate waaaay too much.

Happy Sanksgiving!

Be thankful, world. Life has so many downs than ups, but we should be thankful to those who help us get along.

Let's just take it slow.

Things seem to be going a little too fast for me. It was only four days ago when I realized my feelings and now, you know about it. I mean, sure, I'm not complaining. You're really sweet to me and everything, but I'm scared. I don't want things to go too fast. What's the rush? We have all the time in the world, hunny.

You know what? You don't matter to me. You're trying to put this all on me, and you know that it's not entirely my fault. Sure, I know what happened is partly my fault, but all I was doing was defending my close friend because she's too nice to do it herself. You really hurt her, and I'm tired of seeing her sad over you because you honestly don't care about her. If you're going to be putting her through this all the time, I don't approve of it. I didn't say what I said to you because of our own differences. I said it to help her. You don't appreciate everything she's done for you, and all you're doing to her is weigh her down with stress and sadness that she doesn't deserve. If defending my friend means that people start to not like me because of you twisting my words and exaggerating the story, I honestly don't care because I know in my heart that what I did was right. If you ever end up reading this, I don't want you to talk to me anymore. I don't want you to be two-faced to me. You're probably running your mouth about me to other people, and I'm not about to start worrying about that. I have better things to do than stress over this unnecessary drama you're bringing. I just don't understand why you're making this such a big deal. You could've just talked to me about it rather than start talking bullshit. Stop talking to me like you actually care about me. The only time I'll ever talk to you again is if we have to talk about choir. Other than that, I don't want you in my life anymore if you're going to be like this. So goodbye.

Thanks to everyone who tried to calm me down, even if it barely worked. Special thanks to Lorisa for going with me all the way to Milpitas and making me forget everything that went on. You made my day. Thanks to all the people who said this to me:

"Mia, everyone loves YOU, not her. Look at how many friends she has lost over things like this. Eventually, they'll see her true nature."

"Aw, Mia. Don't worry about it. We all love you."

"What the hell is going on!? Do I need to come over there and whoop some ass?"

"If I see her outside of this room, someone better hold me back."

"... your the bestest friend anyone could ever have."

Just as long as I know my true and closest friends know what exactly happened, then I'm fine. I don't need all of the friends in the world. I already have the best.

Junior year officially SUCKS ASS.

I swear, I never believed anyone when they said junior year was the hardest. I now understand them completely. Time's going by so quickly. I mean, it's already November 20th, well, technically the 21st. The work load is horrible. I can't even keep up with it. My grades are slipping. Procrastination kills, kids. Don't be like me. I'm constantly tired. I never get to have a good night's sleep. Thank goodness that Thanksgiving break is right around the corner. Anyway, NM's down, so I can't post up little thoughts. Siiiigh.

Haha, I realize that I never have time to do my homework anymore. I need to start prioritizing. School > Social life. I got home like, a few minutes ago. I'd never usually do this on a school night. Something's in the aiiiiir! Who knows, but tonight was a fun night. Kaitlyn, Anthony, and Mix are cool to chill with. Sister lets me borrow a lot of her clothes. Mix and I have good talks in the car on late nights. I just realized that. Anyway, my plan for tomorrow so far is to go to Newark after school. Hahhh, hopefully people are still there. Well, I should start getting ready for tomorrow since I just got home. Goodnight world. :)

Aww, today's a really good day. At least after school it was. My doggy's actually listening to me and she's learning a lot of new tricks. I love my doggy sooo much. :)

P.S. Hi Kevin! Haha :P

I'm completely torn in between friendships.

I honestly don't know what to do. Both sides of my friends want to chill with me. I've ditched one for another too many times. This is why I don't like getting too close to people. I always have to pick one or the other. If I choose one side, people get mad. If I choose the other, people get mad. It's a lose-lose situation for me. What am I expected to do? I don't even know who to turn to anymore. I'm about to go to sleep soon. I don't want to deal with this anymore. I just wish I wasn't alone on this.

"But little did I know that [he] was playin with my mind.

The only thing I learned is, good [boys] are hard to find."

Even if I believe that hip hop is dead, there are still certain songs that just get to me sometimes. Lately, there have been a lot of songs that relate to me. Haha, not much of the situation though, but just in general. Kinda like the main idea of the song, ya know? It's whatever. I'm just trying to focus and be more independent. It seems to be working out for the most part. Yaaay.

I really do think I'm stupid. I can't believe I locked my keys in my car today. Thank goodness for kind-hearted people. Anyway, I feel as if today was really dramatic. I don't know how to explain, but it seems like it. The whole time, there was some drama going on. Sorry I wasn't able to talk to you while you were in a lot of pain. I feel that I was no help at all. I'm sorry. I owe you big time. I'll make it up to you.

As I was eating lunch with Keli, Hamed, and Nikki at Panda Express, I cracked open my fortune cookie. The little slip of paper explained so much to me. This is what it said: "People who expect nothing will never be disappointed." Maybe this is a sign to not get my hopes up for anything. Just live life and let things happen. We'll see. I just want to make progress instead of always taking one step forward and two steps back. Just have to keep going..

What is this feeling I'm getting? I don't know how to explain it, and I'm getting scared. I don't like being in the dark.

The people who know you the best,

hurt you the most.

It has come to my realization that 2008 is almost over. There has been a lot of changes in this past year, but for some reason, I'm still not learning. I'm still in square one, like I've been for the past ten months. The only difference is the impacts of the pain. I've been slowly breaking down this year instead of getting stronger. You would think that I would have learned my lesson. Apparently not. Still stuck in the same space. Maybe I moved back a few steps. Who knows. All my 2008 goals were not achieved. None. And that's what disappoints me the most. Mia, you failed.

I just feel like going to sleep to be able to ignore reality, or maybe reading a good book that'll make me envious of the main character's life to the point where I wanna throw the book across the room. Either way, I need my escape.

I'm still a mess :/

I really am a fucking mess these days. I don't know how people tolerate it. I'm starting to lash out at people I don't mean to. Choir's shitty. No one can hear me. Concert choir's singing in Latin. Am I the only one going insane over this? I mean, I was extremely pissed off after school, but I didn't really see anyone else as mad. We can't even do anything right. It's already fucking November if you haven't noticed. School's going by too quickly. Actually, life is going by too fast. I don't like it. I don't like it at all.

I need to work on this procrastinating thing. It is 5:30 AM, and I just finished my research paper. It's five pages long and it took me three hours and thirty minutes to write. Not that bad, right? Considering I had to start writing at 2:00AM cause I fell asleep even after Keli woke me up at 10:30 last night. Pathetic, Mia, pathetic. I swear though, I'm such a fucking mess these days. :

My newest goal.

Halloween

It was pretty cool this year. Sorta. After school, I went to the choir room and got scared of a gay clown. He's an asshole for scaring me on purpose when he knew I was hella scared of clowns. Anyway, visited Brenden, Lovin, and Corey at Bren's house for a little bit. Mix and I left and went to Great America. We met up with Hamed, Keli, and new group member, Jeannel! :) Thanks for paying for me. I owe you $25. Holy crap, it's actually really scary at Great America. The rides are faster. Yaaay :) Anyway, we heard about certain people, but it's whatever, right? Right. So, we had to go through the clown area. I really don't like clowns, and one of them came straight at me! Hamed yelled saying, "Nigga, touch her! Fucking touch her!" He protected me. Good thing the scarier one didn't approach me.. With his mouth all open and everything.. *Shivers* Anyway, the day started turning bad.. Took Mix home, my home, took care of the doggies, slept around 12-ish.