inspired.

GOOD DAY AGAIN!

Met up with Mix, Hamed, Bettina, Felme, and Shaneo today at Pasta Pomodoro at 11:30. Ate our lunch. Our waiter, Nathan, was so cute and funny! He made me smile a lot (: Afterward, we stood outside of Starbucks for hecka days just talking and catching up with choir and alla that. Then, Shaneo left to fix the schedules for ADV choir since the school fucked it up AGAIN. Went to Jamba Juice. Didn't get anything. Saw the cutest teacup Pomeranian. Just talked with them for a while. Saw Alyssa and Cherese there. Said our hellos and what not. Around 1:55, we started walking to Fuddruckers. They all waited inside for me to meet up with Christine and Annalisa. Once they were there, the rest of them left. And we all got our food. We ordered the same thing since there was so much on the menu that we didn't know what to get. The whole time, we were just talking about whatever. Mostly about college and what each of our colleges has to offer us. We ended up staying at Fudds till until 5ish? Then I drove home.


Definitely a great day. Like Christine said, it was like nothing changed and we all just caught up again. That's my favorite feeling ever.

more good days.

FRIDAY:
Met up with Willem at 6AM at his house. He drove us. We just talked the whole way. We went from Andrew to Lorisa back to Andrew to Ashley to Helene to Eric. What a small world, forreal. Got to honors orientation a bit early. Around 8ish. I met this girl named Sonia since she didn't know where to go. Met up with Erica. Grace was running late, but met up with us eventually. I loved the table of girls I ended up sitting with. Apparently, we were the only ones really talking to each other. I loved that! All open to each other and everything. Presentations FOR DAYS. I hated it. Afterward, played ice breakers. ALMOST won, but no. Ate food. Waited with Erica to get picked up. Stupid traffic. Willem and Joua picked me up. And forreal, they're such a cute couple. It makes me happy. Went to that sushi buffet in Davis. OMG HEAVEN <3 Drove back home. Knocked out.

SATURDAY:
Six Flags with Mark, Jervie, Nick, Denean, and Melissa. Soo much fun. I hated the water ride cause we all got SOAKED. The water jets hit me and Nick in the face -.- But forreal, that day made me realize how much Nick and I are alike. Denean had to leave early, poooo. Fell asleep during the car ride back. Started feeling sick once Mark parked at his house. Kept gagging. I felt bad cause he was supposed to go out with his co-workers, but since I was sick, he didn't wanna leave me alone. Ended up just knocking out right away.

SUNDAY:
I forgot to turn my alarm off from the previous day, so I woke up at 6 to turn it off, hmph. Went back to sleep. Mark and I woke up around 9ish? Then he went to take a shower while I was trying to figure out his laptop. Took a couple webcam pictures, kekeke. Once he was done, I took a shower while he started cooking breakfast. Supaaa yummy. Sweet french toast, bacon, vienna sausage, and eggs. Once we finished, Mark had to poop right away. Then his doorbell rang, and I looked and saw Jervie! (: He asked me where Mark was and I told him he was upstairs pooping. I offered him the last french toast slice since I was too full to finish it. He happily ate it. Mark came downstairs and then I had to leave to chill with Jay! Got to his house and he has a pet turtle! Sooo ka-yooooute. We just watched TV while updating or talking. I got to play with his turtle and it was sooo tiny. It peed on me though. -.- Honestly, its pee looked like water, HAHA! Oh well. We watched Adventure Time and I got hooked. I texted Lorisa right away and told her cause I thought of her. Left Jay's house at 4:28. Got to Mark's around 5:34. Picked up my charger and Ninang's tool kit. Home bound! Bean was super excited to see me. Found mango juice in the refrigerator <3 About to go biking tonight. EXCITED!

LAWL

HA HA HA HA HA, people are so funny nowadays.

good days

Lately, I've been having really good days. It kind of scares me because whenever things are good for me, something bad tends to happen. But then again, negative mentality attracts negative actions. Therefore, I must stay positive all the time.

So far, I have plans every day until Friday next week. Friday will be spent doing all my last minute packing and checking everything. This is making me pretty sad. However, I sometimes do wish that I applied to colleges outside of California, or even out of the country. That would have been such an amazing experience, but there's also no way my family and I could afford it. A girl can dream, right?

Tomorrow is Honors Orientation. I'm finally meeting my roommate, Erica! So far, I know for sure that I have Honors seminar with her and Grace. I also have history with Erica also. It's funny because it's our first classes of the day. History MW and Honors seminar TR. Haha, how silly. But nevertheless extremely excited!

Valentine's Day

What I'm learning as I watch Valentine's Day:

• Best friends end up together.
• True friends aren't there for you 24/7. They're there when you need them the most.
• Wait for sex.
• Never hold back what someone needs to know.
• Be kind to everyone you meet.
• Expect the unexpected.
  

failing.

Hella failed my letter a day shit on here. I'm gonna write letters to people today. Gonna be on stationary and everythaaang. Gotta go to Walmart for stationary and an air pump. But I gotta clean my room first, which btw, looks like a disaster. Haha, I don't even stay in there unless I have to cause I hate looking at the mess. Oh well. I bet I'm not gonna clean it. So, Walmart, here I come!

travie mccoy..

I'm diggin' your Lazarus album &hearts

Not Anymore.

"Well, I've been the super girlfriend
Let you think that nothing bother me.."

rant.

1. It's actually helping me a little bit. Not going on FB or Tumblr, you know. Not seeing constant reminders of something I'll never be a part of. I just have to keep myself busy all the time so I don't think about it. Uh oh, there's gonna be tomorrow. Six Flags with them. But hopefully, I could just chill with the guys and none of the girls. It's just too much now. But whatever. Mark wants me to spend the night with all of them. Still thinking if I want to do that or not. Hm..
2. I'm seeing Dirklao today and chilling with him! I'm hecka excited and happy. Nooo jokes. Time for an update on our lives. REMINDER: Give him back his yearbook from eighth grade that I was never able to write in ):
3. I got into the Honors Program! Maybe this is a good sign for me. Time to leave the past and bullshit behind me cause well, it's time for college. And college is where none of my bullshit from my dad's family or my own bullshit past will catch up with me, hopefully.

That is all.

can't do it.

I'm sorry. I can't do this. I can't be friends with people who are like you all. I've tried my best and anyone can agree with me. Good luck with each other. Hope your friendship really is all that worth it. Now I see your true nature. Don't lie to my face just because I don't get along with them. Be real with me because I've been real with all of you since day one. This will be the last time I get hurt. This is me moving on.

Goodbye.

BE REAL ALREADY, G'DAMN.

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
I used to have a volleyball scar.. Idk where it is now..

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
Nada.

3. DO YOU SNORE, GRIND YOUR TEETH, OR TALK IN YOUR SLEEP?
Naaah.

4. WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
A few.

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
Nope.

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
To finally understand.

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
My real friendships.

8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION(S)?
Bean.

9. HOW TALL ARE YOU?
5"4'

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
Sometimes.

11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
Mhm..

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
Mm, idk.

13. WHAT’S YOUR WORST FEAR?
Failure.

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Dark.

15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO AT?
Idk?

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK?
Coffee.

17. FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
Combo!

18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
My pasta in the microwave that I'm too lazy to get ):

19. FAVORITE COLOR OF ALL TIME?
Not a huge color fan.

20. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A GOLDFISH?
The snack that smiles back!

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU’VE EVER RECEIVED?
My baby blanket.

22. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?
Sure thaaang.

23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
I don't think so?

24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
Anything BUT F21, kthanks.

25. WHO IS YOUR FAV FEMALE/MALE CELEBRITY?
JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT <3 <3 <3

26. DO YOU HAVE A PET RIGHT NOW?
One spoiled brat.

27. WHAT KIND IS IT?
A pomeranian.

28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
Take chances, right?

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:
27.

31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
Blah.

32. FAVORITE QUOTE?
"Those who mind, don't matter. Those who don't mind, matter." Something like that -_-

33. FAVORITE PLACE?
Idk.

34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE USA?
Yessir.

35. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
Idk.

36. MET ANYONE FAMOUS?
I guesssss.

37. FIRST JOB?
Yogurt -_-

38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
Hated that shit.

39. DO YOU THINK EVERYONE OUT THERE HAS A SOULMATE?
Mhm <3

40. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS OUT?
Tumblr.

41. HAVE YOU EVER HAD SURGERY?
No.

42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
My eyelashes.

43. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES?
Hated it.

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Nothing.

45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT AND THEIR NAMES?
Too early.

46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
My momma.

47. WHAT IS THE BIGGEST TURN OFF OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Not driving, smoke, not disciplined, party freaak, and has no direction in life.
^ Agreed.

48. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU LIKED ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL?
Surprisingly, the people.

49. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE?
Herbal Essense.

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Naaaht.

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Tuna.

52. ANY BAD HABITS?
A few.

53. ARE YOU A JEALOUS PERSON?
Now.

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU
Maybe.

55. DO YOU AGREE WITH FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS?
No.

56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
At least look presentable.

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
Sleep or write.

58. BEAR FACT?
Polar bears are white.

59. WHAT’S YOUR MAIN GOAL IN LIFE?
Make my momma proud of me.

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
Stuffed animals.

61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE?
Not checking.

62.WERE YOU A FAN OF BARNEY AS A LITTLE KID?
<3

63. Do you use sarcasm?
Oh, yes.
64. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE?
Both?

65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY?
Communicates very well.

66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
Too many.

67. FAVORITE SUPER POWER?
Let me fly please. Gas kills my wallet.

68. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW?
Don't have one.

69.WHAT’S THE BEST WAY TO DEAL WITH YOUR ENEMIES?
I'd like to know this myself. They're everywhere.

70. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
Me lalalalaalaaave green tea.

71. DO YOU HAVE ALL YOUR FINGERS AND TOES?
Yes.

72. DO YOU HAVE A COMPUTER IN YOUR ROOM?
Laptop.

73. PLANS FOR TONIGHT?
Mark coming over?

74. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO LIVE WHEN YOU ARE OLDER?
I honestly don't know.

75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
Idc.

76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?
I hear the microwave beeping.

77. LAST THING YOU DRANK?
Water.

78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Mark.

79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Shoes.

80. WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?
Eat.

81. FAVORITE THING TO HATE?
BITCHES :)
^ LAWL!

82. FAVORITE SEASON OF THE YEAR
Winter <3

83. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE TYPE OF CANDY?
Hm..

84. HAVE YOU EVER REALLY AND TRULY HAD A BEST FRIEND?
Here and there.

85. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR?
I would like to change it. Or cut it. Or something different to it.

86. EYE COLOR?
Brown
87. SHOE SIZE?
Depends on the shoe, but usually 6 1/2

88. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE?
What am I craving?

89. FAVORITE RESTAURANT?
A lotttt.

90. DO YOU LIKE SUSHI?
Laaaaahv it.

91. WATCH TV TODAY?
Not yet.

92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
Idk.

93. PLAY ANY MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS?
Used to!

94. SOCKS OR BARE FEET?
Barefeet at home, socks everywhere else.

95. KISSES OR HUGS?
I like both.

96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?
Relationships, definitely.

97. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT?
I paid for tip last night?

98. WOULD YOU EVER BE A HOUSEWIFE?
Can't be stuck in a house all day.

99. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?
None.... ):

100. DESCRIBE YOUR LOVE LIFE.
New.

lalala.

Name:	Mia-Ashley
Date:	Monday 9th 2010f August 2010 01:30:35 AM
Colorgenics Number:	6/4/7/0/1/5/2/3/

---

At this time in your life you feel like 'giving up'. For every time you have tried to build up your hopes and dreams something has come along to burst the balloon. You may feel that, at this particular moment in your life, there seems to be no chance of fulfilling these dreams but you are so wrong. You are the sort of person that can influence any situation, that is - If you don't give up. So consciously make the effort... You have that inherent power to succeed.

You are totally dissatisfied with your present situation. Matters are not going right for you and you are seeking a means of escape. Your mental state of mind necessitates that you need to change your thinking patterns. Remember, if one particular modus operandi doesn't seem to work, then try something different.

You are a demanding egocentric and therefore quick to take offence. This attitude makes people feel somewhat inadequate when in your company and so it is no wonder that at times you feel alone and unwanted.

All the distress and agitation is the result of attempting to avoid any form of stimulation or excitement. The situation in which you find yourself at this time is one of hostility and therefore you are under considerable pressure. You are very irritable and prone to angry outbursts. You are in a mental quandary and you could be experiencing physical problems.You are very distressed by the apparent hostility of everyone around you and you feel coerced and subjected to intolerable pressures. You are resentful of what you regard as unreasonable demands on you but the situation is such that you feel powerless to control it and at this time you just don't know 'which way to turn'.

You are worn out and lack both physical and mental energy. This lack of vitality has created an intolerance for any further excitement and you feel that you just cannot carry on; but you have been like that many times before and the situation passed. You again need to get away from it all - even if it is only for a little while. A relaxed body cannot contain a destructive emotion and the secret for you is to just relax.

UGH.

I. DON'T. NEED. YOUR. FUCKING. PITY.
GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.

KFJ;ASKDF!

Okay, forreal. I was alright for most of my day. Until we hit Alvarado Niles Rd. I get a mass text from you. WTF, who do you think you are? You know what the fuck is going on in your head, but you have the worst fucking timing in the world. Go ahead, tell him I "gave you attitude" because I don't give a fuck anymore. He's gonna protect you over me any day, and sadly, everyone knows/thinks that. I'm losing my faith in you. How can you protect me if you can't even protect me over your best friend? Fine, say that she was there first. Okay, I get it. But fuck! She slept over! How the hell is that supposed to make me feel? And you wonder why everyone thinks you two have something going on. Do you understand how iffy that looks? How shitty that makes ME feel? The fact that your mom specifically told me that we were gonna join parties. Now SHE'S planning your shit? Whatever. Don't plan on seeing me there.

"I need to have an MHM talk tonight ):"

I love how even if we don't keep in contact with each other, they still reply to me within seconds when I really need them. I really don't know what I'd do/where I'd be without them.

Letter #1

Dear DS,
As things are coming to an end, I'd just like to let you know that I miss you being my friend. To me, it seems as if the only thing you can talk about with me is you know what. To be honest, it's flattering that you've had feelings for me for this long since no one has ever had that before. But you're late. Why? Because I met him. You've had two and a half years. Two and a half years of me dangling at your will. I'm not gonna lie, I liked you a lot. Ask anyone. But you're too late. I know that I won't be able to talk to you as my friend until you find someone who you can commit yourself to. I just know that this is the right thing to do. I'm here for you if you need me, but just not like that. I have way more respect for myself and everyone it may affect. I hope you can understand. I just thought I should let you know before I leave and move on. Best of luck to you in the future!

sigh.

I don't mean to be a downer. I really don't like to be. But when it comes to things like this, it just proves my theory that I'm not good enough. Last night, I swear that I had a dream that I got an email saying that I made it in. That dream alone was able to put me through the day. I thought to myself, "Maybe just this once, I can be wrong about myself." Then, about half an hour ago, I received it, "Thank you for your interest in the Honors Program at Sacramento State. Following review of your application packet, the Honors Admission Committee has placed you on the Waiting List." Siiigh, there goes everything. It sucks when you apply around the same time span as someone you know, but they make it in and you don't. It's like a, "I'm sorry, but this person just qualifies for the spot a lot better than you do." I guess I just have to wait until August 16. Two more weeks of impatiently waiting when I'm probably gonna get the, "Thanks for your interest, but there were many people who applied and we could only accommodate a certain amount of people."

Not good enough. Never good enough.

hm.

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

YESSSSS!

On August 3, 2010 at 8:00 PM, I bought my Fixie (: (: (: Finally gonna get biking! A little late, but you know what? Better late than never. This morning, I got an e-mail saying it's already on its way. I so esssited! (:

tying loosing ends.

Before I move on the 28th, I want to have closure with all the people that I feel need to have closure with me from the Bay.. Just a reminder to myself:

1. DS
2. DC
3. KP
4. MV
5. AC (HAH, I wish.)
6. KM
7. MSP

I know there's more, but those are the only people that come to mind/whose numbers I have still on my phone. I just want to leave here with nothing but good memories and positive outlooks. I'd be devastated if I wasn't able to reach out to these people.. Time to write letters, perhaps? We'll see. My goal, every day till the day I move equals one letter.