honestly.

I seriously wanna know how much I can keep hurting myself. It’s too the point where I’m like a frickin dog. Someone throws me a bone, and I go after it like nothing’s happened. I hold on to all this pain every time, and I swear, you don’t even notice. I have too much faith in people. I always think something will change. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll see all the bullshit I put myself through just for you. For you to be happy. I keep my mouth shut. My mind constantly screams at me while my heart continues to sink deeper and deeper. Each action causing more pain than before. I’m tired of this. I’m tired of hurting.

I feel so disgusting. I’ve turned info this monster that I never wanted to be. I’m becoming bitter and pessimistic. What have I been turning into..

I wish I could tell you. I wish I didn’t care. I wish I could stop my mind from degrading myself. I wish I could stop putting the blame on me. I wish I could believe that I’m good enough.