wussup?

thoughts.

- I miss having a best friend other than my boyfriend.
- I feel like all I have to talk about lately is gossip about "bitches".
- maybe, my life revolves around drama...
- I miss my friends.
- I need to be friendlier.
- Must. Try. Harder.

oh hai there.

random.

I wish I had fuller eyebrows rather than these retarded ones on my face.
I wish I didn't have eye bags.
I wish I didn't have a huge forehead so I could clip my bangs back without feeling like an alien from outer space.
I wish I was shorter so I could wear heels and not look outrageously tall.

But most of all, I wish I was happy with how I look.

reminder.

    Boy: I broke up with her.

    His Best Friend: What happened?

    Boy: She’s just too much for me.

    His Best Friend: What makes you say that? What did she do wrong?

    Boy: Well, for one.. She only cared about her appearance. Always had to look good, always took forever to get dressed! So insecure..

    His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she wanted to keep your eyes locked on her? She wanted you to see that you have the prettiest girl under your sleeve and not think otherwise? I see..

    Boy: Oh.. Well.. She’d often call me or text me asking where I am, who I’m with, telling me not to smoke, not to drink. She’s so clingy!

    His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she cares about your well being? Because she cares about you a lot? And her greatest fear is losing you. I see..

    Boy: But.. Uhh.. Well, she’d always cry when I say something slightly mean. She can’t handle anything. She’s a crybaby!

    His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she has feelings? And because she just wanted to hear you say you love her? I see..

    Boy: I.. Well! You know, she’d get jealous easily. I could barely talk to other girls! She’s so annoying! I had to hide it from her so she wouldn’t bitch about it.

    His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she just wanted you to commit to her? She thought you were faithful, but you lied so she could find out later and hurt even more? She just wanted the guy she loves the most to love only her. I see..

    Boy: Well, she..

    His Best Friend: You broke up with her because she’s good for you? She just wanted the best for you? She’s broken now because you were selfish. Are you proud?

    Boy: I broke her heart.. Because I couldn’t see what was happening.. What happened to me?

    His Best Friend: You lost the girl that loved you like no one else could. You see? You didn’t want her when all she ever wanted was you. THAT’S what happened.

    ___________________________________________________

    Think about it, when she’s too much for you.. She just wants the best for you. Because to her YOU’RE the best. If you don’t like something, talk to her about it. You mean so much to her. Don’t just give up. Don’t just leave because you want the easy way out. Ya’ Dig?

siiiiigh..

Holding back a thousand tears that are just ready to fall from my eyes. The only thing stopping me? I know my own self-worth. I know I shouldn't be crying over something like this. I remember when I used to be the type of girl that didn't give a fuck. But now, look what you've done to me. You've broken me down subconsciously. I can't even make any close guy friends because it doesn't FEEL right to. I don't understand how you can do this so easily to me. Letting me hurt like this.. It sucks cause I can't even tell you how much my heart is hurting right now because you'll see it as me not believing that you care about me. I don't know what's happened to me, but you were able to turn me into such a vulnerable girl who now wears her heart on her sleeve for everyone to see.

border line.

You're in a relationship with me. Please be considerate and try to understand exactly how I may be feeling about a situation. There are certain border lines that aren't meant to be crossed. And no, I'm not even asking you to never be friends with her. I have no control over something like that. But please, at least understand that it doesn't look right. Ask any girl, she'll say that you two are flirting. All I'm asking for is to tone it down.. I'm tired of hurting.

contemplation.

Getting rid of my nose piercing, and getting a cartilage and naval piercing instead.