minus.

You're never sweet to me anymore. Falling out. Be careful.

hmph.

I hate how I'm the one who gets hurt, but you're the one who gets to act upset. Be considerate of my feelings and appreciate that I let go of the negative emotions just so our relationship can be okay. Think about the bigger picture. Not just about yourself.

insecurity.

I hate how you can't tell how much it really hurts me on the inside. To know that you have a celebrity that you have a crush on because of her looks and body. At least try to convince me that no matter what, I'm your number 1. I never feel like your number 1. Ever. It'll never be me. Maybe that's why I think about leaving. Because when you're my number 1, I'm like your number 5. Or some shit like that. No, I'm not talking about spoiling me with gifts or taking me out to nice restaurants. Simple things is all I want. Surprise me with little notes (instead of leaving me post-its on my laptop calling me gay). Surprise me after class just to say hello (instead of me waiting for you). Call me because you miss my voice (instead of Facetiming me to show me your new Arianny Celeste calender you ordered online). I don't know. Some stupid cliche typical love story. I'm not asking for much..

interesting.

Sometimes, I don't understand how some of the people I consider "nice" are really close friends with people I consider "bitches". I know that perhaps there are some things they may have in common, but I wonder how "bitches" seem to have a lot of friends? It's a thought that always gets to me at times. However, I can't be one to judge. It's not my friendship, so maybe that's why. Also, I think a lot of people make judgments on me based on whatever. For example, the fact that I'm in a relationship with Mark gets noticeable stares and whispered words. I've come to the conclusion that there will always be people talking. No matter what. You know, I think I need to start over with people. Just everyone in general. I feel like I've put myself into these type of situations. Instead of trying to decipher, or even judge, who someone is, I need to actually get to know these people on a more personal level. But then again, I shouldn't even care about whether or not I'm on "good terms" with certain people. Ugh, this is where everything is under the category of "gray area". To be completely honest, it's so conflicting. I'm on a search to figure myself out.

Sorry if these thoughts are all jumbled up. I can't think straight.

hey bitch.

Does it look like anyone cares? No, no one really gives a fucking shit.

MP ♥

Earlier today..
m: Marcel.
M: Yes
m: Please take care of yourself, okay?
M: I will. :)
m: Promse?
M: Promise.

Then a few minutes ago..
m: Doesn't this look like Moss Beach!?
M: Yes! Is that from your book you're reading for school?
m: Tumblr haha!
M: Yes! Aha
m: Haha it's so scary how similar it is
M: It is. Its trying to tell you something
m: Like what?
M: Like you're supposed to be somewhere with people you love and where they love you in return... Like our house.
m: Awww, you miss me (:
M: I do. I was hella waiting for you to come back that one day.
m: I'm sorry! I couldn't ): I owe you though when I come back to visit. Promise.
M: Alright! :)

I swear, I never knew I made such an impact on this kid.. Forreal though, definitely looking out for him and checking in on him more often ♥

you're stupid.

I seriously hate your guts right now. To be completely honest, you put up marijuana facts because you know I hate it so much. You're gonna try to defend yourself by stating the health benefits to it. Do you have any of those symptoms? (Except having a menstrual period, that is. But even that's fishy for you because you don't use protection or are on the pill, bitch.) And in my point of view, the "benefits" of marijuana just make you forget about the pain you're in because you're in another state of mind. If you think that your "facts" are a great defense against my point of view, hunny, you got another thing coming for you.

same shit, different day.

You're losing me. I swear, today I kept getting so irritated with you. I let it slip cause I figured you were just grumpy cause you were hungry or whatever. But I'm telling you that's bullshit now. Gaaahd, may as well fucking be with her already.

GUARD UP WITH NO TRUST.

hm.

I kinda miss my gauges.

lalala

So, here I am, killing time on my laptop while waiting for another two hours for Mark and Jervie to pick me up. Driving back is gonna be a bitch since I said I'd drive. Hopefully one of them decides to stay up with me. Anyway, random thoughts!

• Biked to the library today for the first time! Haha, it was fun. I'll be biking more often, I think. I just hate how clumps of people block the way -_-
• Got some research done for the Confucius project, WIN!
• The one time I actually bike, Mark decides to walk to class..
  
• Outro to The Habit (possibly better burgers than In-N-Out) for lunch with babeh!
• Dropped me off at the front of the school and we said our goodbyes.
• I hate the people in my stat class. The two girls next to me think they're the shit and ignore me when I ask questions. Props to me for being (I think) the only freshman in my stat class though, holla!
• Decided NOT to go to that stupid lame honors meeting. Did 80% of my stat homework instead to find out that the due date got extended to the 23rd, oh wellz.
• 5:30 P.M., went to the DC with Pam and ate food that wasn't all too great today, hmph. Found out she knows a lot of the same people I do from Milpitas, LAWLZ!
• Steven sat with us and we ended up talking until we were the last three people in the DC. Those two are hella chill though, on the reaaaal.
• Checked my mail and my iPhone case came in ♥
• Went to the market with Erica to buy milk, oj, and a cup of noodles for her since she's getting sick, boo ): BUT! I did get my free tote bag, YUHHHS!
• Found out that I'm going back home to the Bay tonight, but I'm sleeping over at Mark's. Momma thinks I'm not coming home. Can't wait to surprise her ♥
• There's a new iron chef!
• ABitch was at Newark Days. Lawl, you stupidass bitch.
• I'm hungry right now ): The market is closed.. To eat cereal or to not eat cereal...? Not eat cereal.
• I only killed seven minutes writing this blog... I NEED SOMETHING TO DO! ):
  

I want you. I crave you. I need you. I'm searching for you.
I'm longing for you. I'm yearning for you.

Change, where are you?

boom.

It's hitting me right now that I have a good thing. I may be a little down sometimes, but hey, in the end, it's all filled with good intentions. It's funny, lately, I've been so afraid because of that whole "moving in" factor. Now that I look back, I was so stupid that I can forreal just start laughing. And okay, sure I have my eye-candies here and there, but like that one quote says, "Never leave the one you love for the one you like because the one you like will leave you for the one they love." It's true. What made me think that I don't have a good thang? To be honest, he never pressures me. We're always above the influence rather than all those other couples out there who smoke, drink, and party all the time. Sure, it's fun, but still. Whatthefeezy.. I don't know what I was thinking.

My head is finally back on my shoulders, and it feels good.

wise words.

"And fuck her, she was never important to you and you don't need her now."

She's right. In two cases. One, you're only important to me because you're important to my cousin. In that sense, that's the only way I see you. Two, why do I give a fuck about what you think? You've never been an acquaintance OR a friend to me. Why the hell do I care if you're calling me a slut or whore or ugly? Hah, whatever. Your hair and teeth/mouth are fucking ugly. But you are truly ugly because of your personality.

I wish I wish I wish ):

♥

m: Sorry babe, I'm falling asleep. I'll talk to you tomorrow okay? Have a good sleep. Goodnight!
M: Goodnight beautiful :) sorry again :/ have a nice sleep!